Neighbors Be Crazy

Having lived in my apartment for just over a month, I have started to get to know a few of my neighbors. Most are really nice and funny and others are a little crazy. Here is a recap of some of my interactions thus far.

1. There is a dirt trail that snakes through my apartment complex that I usually follow on walks with Henry. I had started to get a little nervous because along the trail I noticed a dead bird one day and a dead squirrel on another. We have a pest guy that comes every last Thursday of the month so I thought maybe he was spraying something that was killing these animals and that could potentially hurt Henry. Well, a few days ago I found the real reason for the poor dead creatures…an old, murderin’ neighbor!

Every apartment has a little patio/balcony in the front or back of the place and the trail runs right past most of them. A few days ago I was out walking Henry on my lunch break when I noticed my neighbor sitting out on his patio. He has to be at least 70 years old. I’ve seen him out there before and he never really says much. If he ever does I usually can’t understand him so I just laugh and smile and tug on Henry to keep it movin’. That day I noticed my neighbor had binoculars in his lap. My first thought was that he was trying to look into other people’s apartments…old perv. My second thought was that he was bird watching. How cute…just an old, bird watchin’ fella. My second thought was closer to the truth than my first, except he’s not a cute, old fella, he’s a murderin’ old fella! Along with his binoculars my neighbor had a sling shot with him! That’s right. He’s been killing birds and squirrels with a sling shot! I had to admit, that’s a little bad ass, but mostly crazy!
Someone must have said something to him because I haven’t seen any more dead animals. He now has a metal chicken, which he moves around this big tree and uses as a target instead. Still very weird.

2. My upstairs neighbor is a doctor. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we all set our trash out on the curb to be picked up. For a doctor, he eats a ridiculous amount of Domino’s Pizza. I’m talking 2-3 empty boxes almost every trash day. Shouldn’t he know that’s not a healthy diet?

Really I’m just jealous that he gets to eat that much pizza. God I love pizza.

3. I recently met my mail man. He has a sweet 70’s mustache, a pony tail, and wears bandanna’s. He talked to me for 30 minutes about how he used to own basset hounds. I couldn’t come up with a polite way to say “Cool, but can you please just give me my mail already?” He did give Henry a dog biscuit before leaving though, so that was nice.

4. Apparently there are only old people and med students/doctors that live in my apartment complex. And the occasional Fort Hood Army person. One day, when I was out walking Henry again, one old lady stopped to tell me that my shoes were fabulous and that “she used to be a looker too.” I’ll take that as a compliment? She proceeded to tell me all about how she used to live in a mansion and that she had beautiful clothes and cars and jewelry. Her family told her they were selling it and that she either needed to move to a small apartment or an assisted living home. She got the biggest 3 bedroom apartment they have at Chapel Creek just to annoy her family. I love her a little bit.

5. This other old lady, the mother of one of my neighbors, was sitting in her car one morning. She opened her door as Henry and I walked by and said “Miss, your dog is just absolutely lovely.” Old people are seriously the cutest (except for the animal killin’ old man). She asked if she could pet Henry. He proceeded to try and climb into her lap and eat her Jack in the Box breakfast sandwich. My neighbor said I probably made her day since she loves dogs so much.

I think instead of working every day, I am just going to walk around with Henry and visit old people. Maybe I should stop calling them old people first?

I was telling my boss some of these stories the other day. His only response was that maybe I should try to meet people my own age and have more of a life. Old people, people watching doesn’t sound like a life to you? Weird.

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3 thoughts on “Neighbors Be Crazy

  1. Pingback: Neighbors Be Crazy Update | BLOB BLOG

  2. Pingback: A Super Exciting Update | BLOB BLOG

  3. Pingback: Neighbors Be Crazy Update #9,764 | BLOB BLOG

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