Is This Real Life?

Like a typical girl, I tend to like all the wrong people, always. Because of that, my dating history has started to just became a long list of now funny stories and really stupid break-up lines. Here are a few highlights:

1. My favorite was the guy who didn’t say anything so I thought things were great. Then he took another girl home from the bar…while I was there. It was Taco Tuesday at Fred’s in San Diego so everyoneee was there. I cried in the bar. Not my finest moment. After that we met up to talk. He said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, but also didn’t want to waste his time abroad on one person. Thanks bud! Moral of that story…don’t trust exchange students.

2. My second favorite was the guy who decided we shouldn’t hang out anymore and then accused me of stealing his window screen. LITERALLY. He did this all via text. Yes, my friend, I frequently steal window screens. I find giant household items are a great way to remember people by.

3. The most recent rejection was “This is what’s best for both of us.” Ummmm I’m pretty sure I’m the one being dumped here and that seems to only be a positive thing for you. Kinda sucks for me. Next time you decide something is best for “us” please be talking about ice cream or a walk in the park. Oh this was also all via text. What is with guys? Can’t you just own up to your shit in person.

4. I had a boyfriend in grad school that forced me to bring up the break up. He got all distant, but refused to say anything. Eventually I said, Hey are we okay. He said “uhh no. I don’t think I’m ready for all this.” He followed that up with “and I don’t know if I’ll be ready any time soon.” I think he was nervous that I would be like “oh, no problem, I’ll wait for you to be ready.” Not that desperate dude. This all went down at a popular bar after I had paid for all of our drinks. Awkward.

I went out a week later with a bunch of our mutual friends. Turns out, not only did I have to bring up the break up, but I also had to tell all of our friends that he had dumped me since none of them knew. They all kept asking me when he was going to get there and why we didn’t just come together. Super awesome time.

5. In college I dated this guy who ended things by texting me late one night saying “I think I’m just going to do my own thing tonight…and maybe for a while.” Seriously, what is with the texting you guys. Not cool.

I’ve also had a guy say “Hey, can you not talk about us hanging out around work. My girl friend is friends with a lot of people that work there.” Whattttttt??

Not as bad as the guy that invited me over to his place to watch a movie and drink some beer, but followed that with “Don’t get freaked out my the make-up and stuff in the bathroom. I still live with my wife, but we’re separated.”

Not sure how to change my taste in men so I’m assuming I’ll have a few more great stories soon. Maybe I should have taken some advice from classygallie…although I think that may only work for her. Plus I think toenails are just nasty.

My Expert Guide To Rainy Days

Here is the weather forecast for Temple this week…

Straight Up Rain

Straight Up Rain

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I’ll have a full week of rain, here is a list of my favorite things to do during bad weather.

1. Puddle jumping. You may look like a freak and scare some children, but go on and put on some protective rain gear and jump away. If you aren’t smiling in five minutes, you’re dead inside.

Rain Gear

Padington has nothing on me. Look out puddles, I’m coming for ya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Throw a fiesta. Nothing takes your mind off terrible weather more than pretending you’re in sunny Mexico. Throw on a sombrero. Drink some tequila. Eat some tacos. Make bad life choices. Who needs to actually be in Mexico??

Mexico

I’m a reeeeaallllyyy good dancer.
Sorry to that toddler in the background….
Not sorry to my roommate…she loved it…clearly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Throw on a snuggie. Snuggie’s make everything better. Put one of those bad boys on. Hop on the couch. Watch some TV. Read a book. The possibilities are endless when you have a blanket with sleeves.

Snug Life.  FYI Jakob is pretending to hold a remote control.  Gangster.

Snug Life.
FYI Jakob is pretending to hold a remote control. Gangster.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Dress your dog up in rain gear so he can puddle jump too! He will seriously love you forever. Or just stare at you with sad, pleading eyes asking Whyyyyyyyy?

What a kick ass puddle jumping side kick!

What a kick ass puddle jumping side kick!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Ride a pelican. They are THE most trust worthy transportation source in the rain. Can’t find a pelican to ride? Guess you’re not going anywhere!

This is the appropriate form  for pelican riding.

This is the appropriate form for pelican riding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Human bowling. Normally you’d need a house and stuff if it was sunny, but you’re good to go in the rain! Grab a tarp, some soap, a few bottles of soda and away you go! You should probably also have a few friends with you. Looks real suspicious human bowling by yourself…I mean who would keep you from cheating!?

Make sure you don't have any rocks under the tarp...can be a real mother oherwise.

Make sure you don’t have any rocks under the tarp…can be a real mother otherwise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Eat a lemon…

What a delicious citrus fruit

What a delicious citrus fruit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT. Don’t really eat a lemon, fool. They is nasty.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.  Also....I am an awesome Aunt.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
Also….I am an awesome Aunt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Eat some spaghetti instead. Carbs are way better than lemons any day of the week. You’ll also pack on a few pounds to keep you warm during the storm. Win, Win!

When he is older, I'll have to remind him not to order pasta on a date.

When he is older, I’ll have to remind him not to order pasta on a date.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Do some hand stands. Really you don’t need it to be raining to do some hand stands. They are appropriate all of the time.

Dancing. Hand Stands. I mean...all around...I'm like realllyyy talented.

Dancing. Hand Stands. I mean…all around…I’m like realllyyy talented.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Go shopping. If you’re on a budget, try your local Goodwill. That’s where I picked up these sweet new outfits.

Grandma's everywhere are jealous of this sweet ass outfit.

Grandma’s everywhere are jealous of this sweet ass outfit.

Man jeans. Jean shirt. Suede vest. Don't mind if I do.

Man jeans. Jean shirt. Suede vest. Don’t mind if I do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know what you’re thinking: “Who knew the rain could create SO many amazing activities.” “Man that girl has style!” “Do you think she’ll teach me how to dance?”

Yes, there are so many fun rainy day activities and you can thank me later for sharing them with you. Yes I do have impeccable style. I think someone should pay me to write a fashion blog. And no I will not teach you how to dance. The world is just not ready for more than one person with such skillzzz. There is only room for one funny white girl at the club and it will be me.

 

BE BOLD

I was reading a post today by one of my favorite PR Blogs that got me thinking about the “bold” things I’ve done so far that I’m really proud of. Sometimes realizing the things you’ve already accomplished makes it a little easier to take on the next hurdle. Here’s my list of my top five best moments:

1. Going to college in California. If you asked me as a freshman in high school if I would ever move across the country by myself for school I would have told you that you were crazy. I was still pretty shy at the time and would never have dreamed of making that kind of move. By senior year I was a little more confident and felt like I had to try. My time in San Diego was so unbelievably rewarding. I will always be incredibly grateful to the people I met and how much more open they taught me to be.

2. Joining a sorority. That may seem strange that I view this as a proud moment because (1) my sorority life didn’t really end well and (2) it’s a sorority, which a lot of people don’t really view as an accomplishment. Regardless, this was still a moment when I was forced to ignore my inherent shyness and be comfortable being myself in front of hundreds of women whom I had never met before. The recruitment process is a week of back to back “events” where you meet each sorority and it’s members. At each event they talk about a different aspect of their sorority and then you meet a few of the members who try not to awkwardly grill you, but also get to know you in five minutes. Then they vote, you get your bid cards and you’re in! It’s stressful and hard not to feel judged, but in the end you get to be a part of an extraordinary group of women who are there for you no matter what. One of my biggest regrets is how things ended with the sorority and that I haven’t kept in touch with some of the girls. I really did have a blast for three years!

3. Finishing Grad School at the age of 22. A ton of people are going to grad school right after college now so I know I am not alone in this pool. Regardless of how many people are doing it, I still think it’s pretty awesome to think “Hey, we are 22 years old and have masters degrees.” I think we should all give ourselves a nice big pat on the back.

4. Traveling abroad on Semester at Sea. One semester. 12 countries. 700-ish beautiful people living on a ship. Amazing crew members. Hands down best memories I have from college. Everyone should study abroad with Semester at Sea, with any program really. It is the most incredible adventure you will ever have. There is no better way to learn about the world and people and all of the goodness in different cultures. I miss Semester at Sea more and more each day and can’t wait until I can retire as a life long learner.

5. Moving to Texas. Talk about pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Me… New England native…. Liberal Democrat….End up in Texas? I thought this move would be the hardest for me yet and that I would be home sick all the time. Turns out, all those other times I pushed myself to get out there and do something different have made it easy for me to accept new surrounding and new people and appreciate everyone and everything in my new life.

I can only hope another adventure will be around the corner 🙂

Caroline

Funked Up Days

I was having a real ugly morning…you know…where nothing fits right, everything is terrible, and you’d rather get back in bed than go anywhere ever. Unfortunately I couldn’t opt for the back to bed route because I am no longer in college and have this thing called a job. Real life problems.

This kid and I are totally on the same page... Sorry about the poop bro

This kid and I are totally on the same page…
Sorry about the poop bro.

 

I had resigned myself to being in a straight up funk all day UNTIL…

I went to the vet and was told my little nugget of joy, Henry, is 100% better and doesn’t need any more medicine or surgery or other scary terrible things!!! Hooray for healthy pets everywhere! The vet told me I was awesome and the ladies at the front desk said I was gorgeous. That’s a big F U to my ugly day! Thank you front desk ladies (even thought you might just be a little too kind), thank you Dr. Gosney for curing my little monster, and thank you universe for turning this day around.

Hound Dogs For Life

Hound Dogs For Life  

Reading this will make you feel like a real arse hole for having a bad day in the first place...

Reading this will make you feel like a real arse hole for having a bad day in the first place…

Don’t Ever Go To A Rodeo….EVER

This weekend my friend since birth (her official title) was in town visiting from Rhode Island. My boss knew she would be here and highly recommended we go see the Belton Rodeo. He even gave me free tickets to the show to further encourage our attendance. I ran it by my friend, who said ABSOLUTELY! We figured there is nothing more “Texas” than the rodeo and we would have a great time laughing about how funny everyone is in their cowboy hats and wrangler jeans.

It was not funny…not even a little.

To start, the MC got on the loud speaker and spent a good 15-20 minutes talking about the greatness of God and how we all should love and adore Jesus. I grew up in a Catholic family, went to church almost every Sunday as a child and went to Catholic school my whole life; even I was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I felt like I was at one of those big conventions where the guy “saves” everyone and claims to cure their cancer by channeling God through his hands. There was a video involved and children and a lot of “In God We Still Trust” being yelled. The woman sitting in front of us was practically crying.

This is Benny Hinn, a famous TV evangelist. Some people think he's basically the new Jesus. He apparently makes people fall over when he saves them and stuff. He also had an affair with some other preacher and bought a private jet with all the money people give him...allegedly. I think Benny and rodeo MC guy are best friends.

This is Benny Hinn, a famous TV evangelist. Some people think he’s basically the new Jesus. He apparently makes people fall over when he saves them and stuff. He also had an affair with some other preacher and bought a private jet with all the money people gave him…allegedly. I think Benny and rodeo MC guy are best friends.

The attempt to convert everyone ended with a long, awkward prayer and THEN they finally played the National Anthem. I guess God comes before Country here in Texas.

I thought that awkwardness would be the worst of it, but then came the animal cruelty and child abuse. I knew I wasn’t going to like the treatment of the animals, but I thought “Hey, I can sit through a show at Sea World knowing all the terribleness of whales and dolphins in captivity, so I can sit through this.” The rodeo makes Sea World look like paradise for animals. Dolphins should be like “At least I just have to flip around and find certain shapes under water. No overweight man is trying to throw me to the ground and tie my fins together.”  It is awful to see and made me want to run down to the pen, open the gate, and set them all free.

Then you have the people that ride the horses. That part wasn’t as bad because the horses mostly kick the people’s asses. A little bit a vengeance for the animals I think. THEN they had the kids start riding. Granted they use smaller horses, but still it’s tiny little kids thrown onto bucking horses and told to hold on. Kids were getting thrown all over the place and nearly trampled by the horses. Parents and families cheered with delight as their kid was catapulted off a horse and was still able to get back up and salute the crowd. The MC tried to make it all seem okay by saying “Now folks, this is no different than putting your kids in football leagues and letting them get hit by the defense.” Ummm no sir, it is not the same. A 10 year old kid getting hit by another 10 year old kid in a football game is violent and potentially bad, yes, but certainly not the same as a 10 year old kid getting stepped on by a 1,000 lb horse. Plus, rules are constantly changing in football now to better protect the athlete. I don’t think there are any major research centers and doctors out there studying the effects of being thrown and trampled by a horse/bull in the rodeo like there are for head injuries in football now.

After about an hour they paused and had a dance off between two audience members. I figured it was best to leave on that high note and not stay for the rest of the show.

Too bad we left so soon…I could have gotten $1 off the price of admission for the Gun Show that was scheduled to start after the rodeo….I’m not kidding. If you asked me to name the one thing worse than the rodeo, it would be the rodeo followed by a gun show. Okay, maybe I’d say Hitler and genocide, but you get my point.

In summary- if you even remotely like animals and children and don’t want to have religion shoved down your throat- don’t EVER go to a rodeo…EVER.

A Sick Puppy = One Terrible Weekend

This weekend turned into my worst nightmare. Everyone who knows me knows that my dog, Henry, is like my first born child. I obsess over him. (Who wouldn’t…he’s freaking adorable). Thursday night, on our evening walk,  Henry sat down and refused to walk. Not like him. I ended up having to carry him (all 50 pounds and we we’re not close to home) back to the apartment. I tend to over react so I figured I’d wait and see how he was in the morning. He was way worse. He couldn’t walk at all and was shaking pretty badly. When he tried to walk he would trip and fall. It looked like he had lost all use of his back legs.

PANIC MODE!! I hadn’t found a vet I like yet here in Temple…. Reminder… this is my child who I obsess over so the right vet is very important. Plus, they have to compete with my Rhode Island vet who let me call every two seconds…he gave me his cell phone number…big mistake. I had a really bad feeling and knew I needed to find a good vet ASAP so I ran over to my neighbor Nancy’s apartment. She has an awesome dog named Thor so I figured she’d have good advice. She told me absolutely take him to her vet, Doctor Gosney. He’s the best, according to Nancy. Thank goodness for Nancy and Doctor Gosney. He saw Henry at 10am on Friday and knew right away that it was a problem with his spine. After poking and prodding, an uncomfortable anal thermometer, and an XRay he determined that poor Henry had disc compression in his 7th vertebrae. Not good. It basically means that the disc is being pushed into his spinal cord. Untreated Henry could become paralyzed! Panic mode went to freak out mode reallll quick. Dr. Gosney explained it’s a common problem in hounds, dachshund, and beagles because of their body shapes and then went over the two options. (1) we try conservative treatment. Basically try and fix the problem with a cocktail of anti-inflammatory’s, muscle relaxers, and steroids. This also requires keeping Henry as still as possible for several days while he heals. Easier said then done. That’s the part we are working on now. After 10 days, if Henry isn’t responding to the treatment or if he gets worse suddenly before then, we go to option two. (2) Henry goes into emergency surgery to remove a portion of his spine. WHATTTT. Not happening to my baby. Needless to say Friday I was a mess and not much better Saturday since he was vomiting every hour Friday night into the morning because of all the medicine. Literally heart breaking…and really gross.

The good news…Henry seems to be healing. He can’t go up or down any stairs, get in and out of the bed, or jump on or off the couch. He is really not loving that last one. To keep him off the bed and couch I have been sleeping on the floor. My back is not happy, but Henry is :). He is also only allowed to go out to go to the bathroom…long walks have been put on hold. He is not a big fan of that rule either. I’ll go back to the vet’s after the 4th, but I’m thinking/ hoping he won’t need the surgery.

The other good news…I have some pretty incredible people in my life. Co-workers keeping me busy at work on Friday so I didn’t think about having to leave him at the vet’s (thanks Rebecca), friends letting me freak out via text/email and family letting my cry over the phone. My mom even called the vet to get more information about the odds of success and all that scariness that I couldn’t bring myself to ask. So, sorry everyone for being a mess and THANK YOU for being awesome!

My adorable little nugget

My adorable little nugget. Don’t you just want to love him??