Is This Real Life?

Like a typical girl, I tend to like all the wrong people, always. Because of that, my dating history has started to just became a long list of now funny stories and really stupid break-up lines. Here are a few highlights:

1. My favorite was the guy who didn’t say anything so I thought things were great. Then he took another girl home from the bar…while I was there. It was Taco Tuesday at Fred’s in San Diego so everyoneee was there. I cried in the bar. Not my finest moment. After that we met up to talk. He said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, but also didn’t want to waste his time abroad on one person. Thanks bud! Moral of that story…don’t trust exchange students.

2. My second favorite was the guy who decided we shouldn’t hang out anymore and then accused me of stealing his window screen. LITERALLY. He did this all via text. Yes, my friend, I frequently steal window screens. I find giant household items are a great way to remember people by.

3. The most recent rejection was “This is what’s best for both of us.” Ummmm I’m pretty sure I’m the one being dumped here and that seems to only be a positive thing for you. Kinda sucks for me. Next time you decide something is best for “us” please be talking about ice cream or a walk in the park. Oh this was also all via text. What is with guys? Can’t you just own up to your shit in person.

4. I had a boyfriend in grad school that forced me to bring up the break up. He got all distant, but refused to say anything. Eventually I said, Hey are we okay. He said “uhh no. I don’t think I’m ready for all this.” He followed that up with “and I don’t know if I’ll be ready any time soon.” I think he was nervous that I would be like “oh, no problem, I’ll wait for you to be ready.” Not that desperate dude. This all went down at a popular bar after I had paid for all of our drinks. Awkward.

I went out a week later with a bunch of our mutual friends. Turns out, not only did I have to bring up the break up, but I also had to tell all of our friends that he had dumped me since none of them knew. They all kept asking me when he was going to get there and why we didn’t just come together. Super awesome time.

5. In college I dated this guy who ended things by texting me late one night saying “I think I’m just going to do my own thing tonight…and maybe for a while.” Seriously, what is with the texting you guys. Not cool.

I’ve also had a guy say “Hey, can you not talk about us hanging out around work. My girl friend is friends with a lot of people that work there.” Whattttttt??

Not as bad as the guy that invited me over to his place to watch a movie and drink some beer, but followed that with “Don’t get freaked out my the make-up and stuff in the bathroom. I still live with my wife, but we’re separated.”

Not sure how to change my taste in men so I’m assuming I’ll have a few more great stories soon. Maybe I should have taken some advice from classygallie…although I think that may only work for her. Plus I think toenails are just nasty.

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