A Super Exciting Update

Life has been fairly uneventful these days so here’s a recap.

1. Henry decided not to sleep past 5am one morning so I took him out for a walk a bit earlier than normal. I was pissed until….

Neighbors be crazy update #3: Turns out my old, crazy neighbor puts out bird seed and food early in the morning before taking his seat with his binoculars and sling shot. He lures them in! Stone cold killer status. I’m a little concerned.

2. I’ve learned you shouldn’t go on a date with someone who works at an establishment that you have to frequent often. I recently went out with Henry’s vet tech. The date was fine, but lacking any spark. Bummer dude. I was all ready with my lets be friends go to conversation, followed by some time to reduce the awkwardness of seeing him in person. I thought Henry was finally clear of all his medical shizzz so I wouldn’t have to worry about any vet visits, but the jerk groomers cut his paw so I needed to go in to get some protective ointment grossness. I couldn’t avoid the vet tech. He stayed in the room for my consultation with the vet and waited out front with me while I picked up his cream. He acted like Henry was his dog too and was very concerned. Give a girl some room yo. Being my awkward self I grabbed that ointment real quick yelled a goodbye to the front desk ladies and ran out of there. Maybe I just need to be a less awkward and more normal person, but let’s be honest, that will never happen.

3. Case in point: I went on two dates with another guy and spilled my drink BOTH times! Seriously people, I am so awkward. Think he’ll ask me out again?

4. I’ve decided I really love that swiffer commercial with the old people. I would like Morty to be my grandfather. Is that weird?

5. I saw the movie the Conjuring. The house is in RI. I’ve read bunch of stories about people trying to sneak into the house to see everything now that the movies out. The couple that live there now are pisssssed. I want to know why the hell anyone would want to live there or go there. What is wrong with you people? That crazy bitch was scary! Hope that couple got a ridiculously good deal on the price.

6. I love kale.

7. I went on a sushi date recently. The guy texted me a shirtless selfie before the date. Told me he “wanted me to know what was up.” I probably should have cancelled then. Note to men: don’t send me mirror selfies, it’s not cool.

He also told me he should get points for not expecting or asking for a picture in return…seriously dude?

8. I watch House Hunters and find myself totally judging the couples. For example: in one episodes recap, after they’ve purchased the house, the wife goes “it’s nice to have space and to not always have to be in the same room, but to be honest we always end up together anyway. Can’t stay away from each other for too long.” I almost vomited. Am I a terrible person? Probably just bitter 🙂 Maybe I should be judged for watching House Hunters? Whatever HGTV is my shit.

9. I think there should be more holidays involving costumes. I mean, who doesn’t love a good costume? No? Just me? Whatever.

10. I think this is the most important update so I saved it for last. Dark chocolate has grown on me. Whatttt?? I know right. Such a big deal. In my attempt to get in shape, I am following my madres manual (she’s a real skinny lady these days). So I don’t cheat on my diet I allow myself one dark chocolate treat before bed. I highly recommend the Ghirardelli Sea Salt and Caramel squares. Those bastards be tasty.

Basically, my life is super exciting. Aren’t you so jealous?

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