Being Sick is Stupid

This past week allergies have been kicking my ass. My allergies were never too bad before, but my recent move to Texas right at the start of their hot as balls summer has introduced my sinuses to a whole new miserable world. Not wanting my misery to make me miss out on learning valuable lessons about myself, I have realized that there are stages I go through when I feel sick. Being that this is an intensely stimulating topic, I figured I’d share those stages with you all (By you all, I mean all 6 readers. I gained 3 followers recently so I’m really moving up in the blog world. Lookout!).

1. I transform into a cranky asshole. I don’t want to speak to people and people don’t want to speak to me. I would be completely content staying home alone for days on end watching movies if I could.

2. Then I decide that’s the best possible decision and actually spend all day at home watching sappy movies. Then I cry. Literally. When I’m sick, I could watch Happy Gilmore and I’d still start crying because he’s just trying to win enough money to save his poor grandmother’s house and that stupid other guy is so mean. I’m not talking one lone tear slowly rolling down my cheek. I’m talking full on ugly cry. I relate any movie to some sad part of my life, or to something sad in the world if nothing is sad in my life, and I have a full on Toddlers In Tiaras meltdown.

3. That turns into me becoming very sentimental. I call everyone in my family to tell them I love them, you know, in case I die. I call friends and have big heart to hearts. *Now would be a good time to screen my calls.*

4. Feeling sentimental makes me want to eat comfort food. That becomes a problem because comfort food isn’t exactly the type of food that helps you get over a cold or flu. So inevitably the food makes me feel worse, which makes me mad, which starts the process all over again. It’s a pretty brutal cycle.

5. Throughout every stage, one thing remains constant: I want to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I don’t like having to move or function. The couch will be my home and I will be happy.

Basically, I am a joy to be around when I’m sick. It’s a great time to come by and hang.

From now on I’m going to put out a warning when I start to feel a cold brewing. It’s better for everyone.

 

What? I'm not dramatic at all. Just let me die here in peace.

What? I’m not dramatic at all. Just let me die here in peace.

This picture is actually a funny side story- It’s pretty gross through so Helen, stop reading here.

My freshman year of college I turned 18 at the beginning of the school year (Sept 30). My parents thought it would be fun for my to be with my surrogate air show family so they flew me up to Monterey, CA for an air show there. It was a blast, but Sunday, when I was heading home, I started to feel terrible. I took an antacid and figured I’d power through. My plan did not go well. I was waiting in line to check in for my flight when I suddenly knew I was going to get sick. I didn’t have enough time to run to the bathroom, but I didn’t want to ruin the carpets so I headed towards the bathroom and threw up in my hands on the way. I was literally holding my vomit trying to make my way to the restrooms. Such a classy moment. Some nice lady handed me paper towels and I managed to clean myself up. Thinking I had it together and not really having any other options, I got on the plane. Poor old guy sitting next to me, didn’t know what he was in for. You know the barf bag they put in every seat? Well, I made good use of that bag. Once I landed in San Diego, I half walked, half crawled my way to baggage claim. That’s when I learned they had lost my luggage. Awesome. I left my information, picked out the closest picture to what my bag looked like, jumped in a taxi and headed back to my dorm.

I was sooooo happy to be back home and ready to be in bed. I opened the door to my apartment and was met by a surprise birthday party! This was a very movie like moment. This was the first surprise party that has been thrown in my honor (and only since I haven’t had one since). My amazing roommates had made a cake and bought food (not an easy thing to do when no one has a car and you live in an on campus apartment) and invited all of our new college friends over. I had already ruined it a little by being so late (having had to deal with the luggage situation) and now I had to tell them, thanks, but I’m dying and need to go to bed.

I stayed for a bit and blew out the candles on my cake, but quickly exited the living room and slept for a good 24 hours. This time I skipped my angry stage and went right to being sentimental and sad. What sweet roommates I had to throw me a party and I destroyed it! Wahhhhh. Sorry roomies and friends. You guys were the best!

Not my best photo, but this is the only other picture taken at the party...since I only participated for 5 minutes.

Not my best photo, but this is the only other picture taken at the party…since I only participated for 5 minutes. I think all four of those waters on the table were mine. Just trying to re-hydrate people. 

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