Being Sick is Stupid

This past week allergies have been kicking my ass. My allergies were never too bad before, but my recent move to Texas right at the start of their hot as balls summer has introduced my sinuses to a whole new miserable world. Not wanting my misery to make me miss out on learning valuable lessons about myself, I have realized that there are stages I go through when I feel sick. Being that this is an intensely stimulating topic, I figured I’d share those stages with you all (By you all, I mean all 6 readers. I gained 3 followers recently so I’m really moving up in the blog world. Lookout!).

1. I transform into a cranky asshole. I don’t want to speak to people and people don’t want to speak to me. I would be completely content staying home alone for days on end watching movies if I could.

2. Then I decide that’s the best possible decision and actually spend all day at home watching sappy movies. Then I cry. Literally. When I’m sick, I could watch Happy Gilmore and I’d still start crying because he’s just trying to win enough money to save his poor grandmother’s house and that stupid other guy is so mean. I’m not talking one lone tear slowly rolling down my cheek. I’m talking full on ugly cry. I relate any movie to some sad part of my life, or to something sad in the world if nothing is sad in my life, and I have a full on Toddlers In Tiaras meltdown.

3. That turns into me becoming very sentimental. I call everyone in my family to tell them I love them, you know, in case I die. I call friends and have big heart to hearts. *Now would be a good time to screen my calls.*

4. Feeling sentimental makes me want to eat comfort food. That becomes a problem because comfort food isn’t exactly the type of food that helps you get over a cold or flu. So inevitably the food makes me feel worse, which makes me mad, which starts the process all over again. It’s a pretty brutal cycle.

5. Throughout every stage, one thing remains constant: I want to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I don’t like having to move or function. The couch will be my home and I will be happy.

Basically, I am a joy to be around when I’m sick. It’s a great time to come by and hang.

From now on I’m going to put out a warning when I start to feel a cold brewing. It’s better for everyone.

 

What? I'm not dramatic at all. Just let me die here in peace.

What? I’m not dramatic at all. Just let me die here in peace.

This picture is actually a funny side story- It’s pretty gross through so Helen, stop reading here.

My freshman year of college I turned 18 at the beginning of the school year (Sept 30). My parents thought it would be fun for my to be with my surrogate air show family so they flew me up to Monterey, CA for an air show there. It was a blast, but Sunday, when I was heading home, I started to feel terrible. I took an antacid and figured I’d power through. My plan did not go well. I was waiting in line to check in for my flight when I suddenly knew I was going to get sick. I didn’t have enough time to run to the bathroom, but I didn’t want to ruin the carpets so I headed towards the bathroom and threw up in my hands on the way. I was literally holding my vomit trying to make my way to the restrooms. Such a classy moment. Some nice lady handed me paper towels and I managed to clean myself up. Thinking I had it together and not really having any other options, I got on the plane. Poor old guy sitting next to me, didn’t know what he was in for. You know the barf bag they put in every seat? Well, I made good use of that bag. Once I landed in San Diego, I half walked, half crawled my way to baggage claim. That’s when I learned they had lost my luggage. Awesome. I left my information, picked out the closest picture to what my bag looked like, jumped in a taxi and headed back to my dorm.

I was sooooo happy to be back home and ready to be in bed. I opened the door to my apartment and was met by a surprise birthday party! This was a very movie like moment. This was the first surprise party that has been thrown in my honor (and only since I haven’t had one since). My amazing roommates had made a cake and bought food (not an easy thing to do when no one has a car and you live in an on campus apartment) and invited all of our new college friends over. I had already ruined it a little by being so late (having had to deal with the luggage situation) and now I had to tell them, thanks, but I’m dying and need to go to bed.

I stayed for a bit and blew out the candles on my cake, but quickly exited the living room and slept for a good 24 hours. This time I skipped my angry stage and went right to being sentimental and sad. What sweet roommates I had to throw me a party and I destroyed it! Wahhhhh. Sorry roomies and friends. You guys were the best!

Not my best photo, but this is the only other picture taken at the party...since I only participated for 5 minutes.

Not my best photo, but this is the only other picture taken at the party…since I only participated for 5 minutes. I think all four of those waters on the table were mine. Just trying to re-hydrate people. 

Conversations with my Grandmother

Lately my Dad has been on a mission to make sure all of us are staying in touch with my grandmother, who we all call Mims. I think it’s a combination of the fact that she just turned 81 and that we all now live in different states that makes him worried about her being lonely and missing her family.

Mims is one of the most amazing people I know. She was a killer grandmother, made evident by the fact that every kid in her neighborhood also calls her Mims and thinks she’s their grandmother too. I kid you not, this really happened: This little boy knocked on her door one morning. He had this other little girl with him. Mims answered and asked if they wanted to come in for tea. He replied “Nope, Ali just moved in and I wanted her to know where the neighborhood grandmother lived. See Ali, you just come see Mims if you need anything or just want a cookie.”

I’ve also had a little girl get very defensive when she asked who I was and Mims told her I was her actual grandchild. I think she was a little jealous I was a blood relative. I shot her a real nice look and let her know what was up. I’m the priority here little lady, now stop stealing all the my cookies!

Mims is pretty badass, but we’ve started to see some effects from getting older. Last night, I was out walking Henry so I figured I’d give her a call (you’re welcome dad). Here are some snippets from out conversation.

The matriarch in all her glory with some of the family at Christmas 2010.

The matriarch in all her glory with some of the family at Christmas 2010. We should probably work on our group photo lineup. (Meg- your short butt should have been in front 🙂 )

 

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Mims: I’ve been getting so many cards and phone calls lately. You all must really think I’m getting old!

Me: We’ll you told everyone this was your last year, so that probably has something to do with it.

Mims: It is! I have one year left! Claim your items for the will now while you can.

(True story- her doctor says she’s perfectly healthy, but she’s decided otherwise. Because of that she is trying to give away everything in her house now claiming that she doesn’t want anyone to fight over her things when she’s dead. Last time I went to her house I left with two bookcases, two bags with linens and bedding, and around 4 kitchen’s worth of cooking items.)

(Dad- I think she’s catching on to your little mission.)

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Mims: Have you been going out and making friends?

Me: Ummm yes, why?

Mims: I’d like you to get married soon and you aren’t going to find a husband sitting at home with Henry.

Me: Sorry Mims, I don’t think a wedding is happening any time soon.

Mims: Why not!? All men should love you. I mean, you’re perfect!

Me: Thanks for the boost to my self esteem, but I think your opinion might be a little skewed. You should yell at Erin! She’s had a boyfriend for years! They should be the ones getting married.

(Sorry Erin. I had to get off the subject some how. You were my way out.)

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Mims: How is your job going?

Me: Great!

Mims: What do you do again? (I get asked this question kind of a lot from my family…I think it’s because they don’t think event planning is a real job still so they ask over and over expecting a different answer).

Me: I plan events for radio stations. You know concerts and stuff.

Mims: Oh my goodness. That’s too much. Do you have helpers? You shouldn’t be doing that on your own.

(I still don’t think she really understands what I do)

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Mims: You know, not everyone likes the same things. It’s fine if people enjoy doing different things sometimes.

Me: Thanks for the nugget of knowledge.

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Mims: My love, it’s 6pm! You should be having dinner. I’m an old lady now so I can eat whenever I want, but you should eat!

Me: Okay I’ll talk to you soon Mims!

Mims: Caroline?

Me: Yes?

Mims: If you need money I’ll give you some…no one has to know.

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No one has to know? When did you get so shady?? If she starts to say down low, I’ll be really concerned.

Anyway, my grandmother is awesome…crazy, but mostly just awesome.

Another true story: In her will it says I get all of the TVs in the house. Baller.

Mims and Meg at Megan's wedding. Such beautiful ladies :)

Mims and Meg at Megan’s wedding. Such beautiful ladies 🙂

Dating Solved

My co-workers are some pretty awesome people. They’re always looking out for my well-being. For example, this morning my office mate sent me this little gem…

 

Why you gotta call me out on being single gurlll?

Why you gotta call me out on being single gurllll?

 

Subject line: I SOLVED DATING FOR YOU! My favorite part is the little description: “…where you never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free.” I’m awkward, but not because I’m gluten free,people. Since when do gluten free people feel like a burden?? I’m pretttttyy awesome so people should just be happy to be around me. Duh! I mean this blog alone has like 6 followers. So cool.

What I’m trying to say is…I’m joining immediately. User name: IStillEatPizzaWhenI’mDrunk,BeJealous.

Too long of a user name? I’ll keep working on it.

A Super Exciting Update

Life has been fairly uneventful these days so here’s a recap.

1. Henry decided not to sleep past 5am one morning so I took him out for a walk a bit earlier than normal. I was pissed until….

Neighbors be crazy update #3: Turns out my old, crazy neighbor puts out bird seed and food early in the morning before taking his seat with his binoculars and sling shot. He lures them in! Stone cold killer status. I’m a little concerned.

2. I’ve learned you shouldn’t go on a date with someone who works at an establishment that you have to frequent often. I recently went out with Henry’s vet tech. The date was fine, but lacking any spark. Bummer dude. I was all ready with my lets be friends go to conversation, followed by some time to reduce the awkwardness of seeing him in person. I thought Henry was finally clear of all his medical shizzz so I wouldn’t have to worry about any vet visits, but the jerk groomers cut his paw so I needed to go in to get some protective ointment grossness. I couldn’t avoid the vet tech. He stayed in the room for my consultation with the vet and waited out front with me while I picked up his cream. He acted like Henry was his dog too and was very concerned. Give a girl some room yo. Being my awkward self I grabbed that ointment real quick yelled a goodbye to the front desk ladies and ran out of there. Maybe I just need to be a less awkward and more normal person, but let’s be honest, that will never happen.

3. Case in point: I went on two dates with another guy and spilled my drink BOTH times! Seriously people, I am so awkward. Think he’ll ask me out again?

4. I’ve decided I really love that swiffer commercial with the old people. I would like Morty to be my grandfather. Is that weird?

5. I saw the movie the Conjuring. The house is in RI. I’ve read bunch of stories about people trying to sneak into the house to see everything now that the movies out. The couple that live there now are pisssssed. I want to know why the hell anyone would want to live there or go there. What is wrong with you people? That crazy bitch was scary! Hope that couple got a ridiculously good deal on the price.

6. I love kale.

7. I went on a sushi date recently. The guy texted me a shirtless selfie before the date. Told me he “wanted me to know what was up.” I probably should have cancelled then. Note to men: don’t send me mirror selfies, it’s not cool.

He also told me he should get points for not expecting or asking for a picture in return…seriously dude?

8. I watch House Hunters and find myself totally judging the couples. For example: in one episodes recap, after they’ve purchased the house, the wife goes “it’s nice to have space and to not always have to be in the same room, but to be honest we always end up together anyway. Can’t stay away from each other for too long.” I almost vomited. Am I a terrible person? Probably just bitter 🙂 Maybe I should be judged for watching House Hunters? Whatever HGTV is my shit.

9. I think there should be more holidays involving costumes. I mean, who doesn’t love a good costume? No? Just me? Whatever.

10. I think this is the most important update so I saved it for last. Dark chocolate has grown on me. Whatttt?? I know right. Such a big deal. In my attempt to get in shape, I am following my madres manual (she’s a real skinny lady these days). So I don’t cheat on my diet I allow myself one dark chocolate treat before bed. I highly recommend the Ghirardelli Sea Salt and Caramel squares. Those bastards be tasty.

Basically, my life is super exciting. Aren’t you so jealous?

Is This Real Life?

Like a typical girl, I tend to like all the wrong people, always. Because of that, my dating history has started to just became a long list of now funny stories and really stupid break-up lines. Here are a few highlights:

1. My favorite was the guy who didn’t say anything so I thought things were great. Then he took another girl home from the bar…while I was there. It was Taco Tuesday at Fred’s in San Diego so everyoneee was there. I cried in the bar. Not my finest moment. After that we met up to talk. He said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, but also didn’t want to waste his time abroad on one person. Thanks bud! Moral of that story…don’t trust exchange students.

2. My second favorite was the guy who decided we shouldn’t hang out anymore and then accused me of stealing his window screen. LITERALLY. He did this all via text. Yes, my friend, I frequently steal window screens. I find giant household items are a great way to remember people by.

3. The most recent rejection was “This is what’s best for both of us.” Ummmm I’m pretty sure I’m the one being dumped here and that seems to only be a positive thing for you. Kinda sucks for me. Next time you decide something is best for “us” please be talking about ice cream or a walk in the park. Oh this was also all via text. What is with guys? Can’t you just own up to your shit in person.

4. I had a boyfriend in grad school that forced me to bring up the break up. He got all distant, but refused to say anything. Eventually I said, Hey are we okay. He said “uhh no. I don’t think I’m ready for all this.” He followed that up with “and I don’t know if I’ll be ready any time soon.” I think he was nervous that I would be like “oh, no problem, I’ll wait for you to be ready.” Not that desperate dude. This all went down at a popular bar after I had paid for all of our drinks. Awkward.

I went out a week later with a bunch of our mutual friends. Turns out, not only did I have to bring up the break up, but I also had to tell all of our friends that he had dumped me since none of them knew. They all kept asking me when he was going to get there and why we didn’t just come together. Super awesome time.

5. In college I dated this guy who ended things by texting me late one night saying “I think I’m just going to do my own thing tonight…and maybe for a while.” Seriously, what is with the texting you guys. Not cool.

I’ve also had a guy say “Hey, can you not talk about us hanging out around work. My girl friend is friends with a lot of people that work there.” Whattttttt??

Not as bad as the guy that invited me over to his place to watch a movie and drink some beer, but followed that with “Don’t get freaked out my the make-up and stuff in the bathroom. I still live with my wife, but we’re separated.”

Not sure how to change my taste in men so I’m assuming I’ll have a few more great stories soon. Maybe I should have taken some advice from classygallie…although I think that may only work for her. Plus I think toenails are just nasty.

My Expert Guide To Rainy Days

Here is the weather forecast for Temple this week…

Straight Up Rain

Straight Up Rain

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I’ll have a full week of rain, here is a list of my favorite things to do during bad weather.

1. Puddle jumping. You may look like a freak and scare some children, but go on and put on some protective rain gear and jump away. If you aren’t smiling in five minutes, you’re dead inside.

Rain Gear

Padington has nothing on me. Look out puddles, I’m coming for ya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Throw a fiesta. Nothing takes your mind off terrible weather more than pretending you’re in sunny Mexico. Throw on a sombrero. Drink some tequila. Eat some tacos. Make bad life choices. Who needs to actually be in Mexico??

Mexico

I’m a reeeeaallllyyy good dancer.
Sorry to that toddler in the background….
Not sorry to my roommate…she loved it…clearly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Throw on a snuggie. Snuggie’s make everything better. Put one of those bad boys on. Hop on the couch. Watch some TV. Read a book. The possibilities are endless when you have a blanket with sleeves.

Snug Life.  FYI Jakob is pretending to hold a remote control.  Gangster.

Snug Life.
FYI Jakob is pretending to hold a remote control. Gangster.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Dress your dog up in rain gear so he can puddle jump too! He will seriously love you forever. Or just stare at you with sad, pleading eyes asking Whyyyyyyyy?

What a kick ass puddle jumping side kick!

What a kick ass puddle jumping side kick!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Ride a pelican. They are THE most trust worthy transportation source in the rain. Can’t find a pelican to ride? Guess you’re not going anywhere!

This is the appropriate form  for pelican riding.

This is the appropriate form for pelican riding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Human bowling. Normally you’d need a house and stuff if it was sunny, but you’re good to go in the rain! Grab a tarp, some soap, a few bottles of soda and away you go! You should probably also have a few friends with you. Looks real suspicious human bowling by yourself…I mean who would keep you from cheating!?

Make sure you don't have any rocks under the tarp...can be a real mother oherwise.

Make sure you don’t have any rocks under the tarp…can be a real mother otherwise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Eat a lemon…

What a delicious citrus fruit

What a delicious citrus fruit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT. Don’t really eat a lemon, fool. They is nasty.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.  Also....I am an awesome Aunt.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
Also….I am an awesome Aunt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Eat some spaghetti instead. Carbs are way better than lemons any day of the week. You’ll also pack on a few pounds to keep you warm during the storm. Win, Win!

When he is older, I'll have to remind him not to order pasta on a date.

When he is older, I’ll have to remind him not to order pasta on a date.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Do some hand stands. Really you don’t need it to be raining to do some hand stands. They are appropriate all of the time.

Dancing. Hand Stands. I mean...all around...I'm like realllyyy talented.

Dancing. Hand Stands. I mean…all around…I’m like realllyyy talented.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Go shopping. If you’re on a budget, try your local Goodwill. That’s where I picked up these sweet new outfits.

Grandma's everywhere are jealous of this sweet ass outfit.

Grandma’s everywhere are jealous of this sweet ass outfit.

Man jeans. Jean shirt. Suede vest. Don't mind if I do.

Man jeans. Jean shirt. Suede vest. Don’t mind if I do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know what you’re thinking: “Who knew the rain could create SO many amazing activities.” “Man that girl has style!” “Do you think she’ll teach me how to dance?”

Yes, there are so many fun rainy day activities and you can thank me later for sharing them with you. Yes I do have impeccable style. I think someone should pay me to write a fashion blog. And no I will not teach you how to dance. The world is just not ready for more than one person with such skillzzz. There is only room for one funny white girl at the club and it will be me.

 

BE BOLD

I was reading a post today by one of my favorite PR Blogs that got me thinking about the “bold” things I’ve done so far that I’m really proud of. Sometimes realizing the things you’ve already accomplished makes it a little easier to take on the next hurdle. Here’s my list of my top five best moments:

1. Going to college in California. If you asked me as a freshman in high school if I would ever move across the country by myself for school I would have told you that you were crazy. I was still pretty shy at the time and would never have dreamed of making that kind of move. By senior year I was a little more confident and felt like I had to try. My time in San Diego was so unbelievably rewarding. I will always be incredibly grateful to the people I met and how much more open they taught me to be.

2. Joining a sorority. That may seem strange that I view this as a proud moment because (1) my sorority life didn’t really end well and (2) it’s a sorority, which a lot of people don’t really view as an accomplishment. Regardless, this was still a moment when I was forced to ignore my inherent shyness and be comfortable being myself in front of hundreds of women whom I had never met before. The recruitment process is a week of back to back “events” where you meet each sorority and it’s members. At each event they talk about a different aspect of their sorority and then you meet a few of the members who try not to awkwardly grill you, but also get to know you in five minutes. Then they vote, you get your bid cards and you’re in! It’s stressful and hard not to feel judged, but in the end you get to be a part of an extraordinary group of women who are there for you no matter what. One of my biggest regrets is how things ended with the sorority and that I haven’t kept in touch with some of the girls. I really did have a blast for three years!

3. Finishing Grad School at the age of 22. A ton of people are going to grad school right after college now so I know I am not alone in this pool. Regardless of how many people are doing it, I still think it’s pretty awesome to think “Hey, we are 22 years old and have masters degrees.” I think we should all give ourselves a nice big pat on the back.

4. Traveling abroad on Semester at Sea. One semester. 12 countries. 700-ish beautiful people living on a ship. Amazing crew members. Hands down best memories I have from college. Everyone should study abroad with Semester at Sea, with any program really. It is the most incredible adventure you will ever have. There is no better way to learn about the world and people and all of the goodness in different cultures. I miss Semester at Sea more and more each day and can’t wait until I can retire as a life long learner.

5. Moving to Texas. Talk about pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Me… New England native…. Liberal Democrat….End up in Texas? I thought this move would be the hardest for me yet and that I would be home sick all the time. Turns out, all those other times I pushed myself to get out there and do something different have made it easy for me to accept new surrounding and new people and appreciate everyone and everything in my new life.

I can only hope another adventure will be around the corner 🙂

Caroline