Here is a list of all of the things I don’t like about being an adult:
1. Bills. Seriously guys, does everything have to be so expensive? The ramen noodle diet no longer belongs to college kids. I was eating wayyy better back then when my rent was paid for and all of my money went towards drinks, food, pedicures, and drinks. The ramen noodle diet is really for recently graduated 20 somethings who have stupidly low paying jobs because “they’re doing what they love” and ten thousand bills to pay. My feet are seriously jacked right now, sushi is out of the question, and drinks…what are those again? I vaguely remember the deliciousness and bad decisions.
2. Work. Let me clarify. I like work, but this all the time stuff has got to go. I used to think school was way worse than work since you had homework afterwards. 9am-5pm seemed pretty legit. BUT most days you’ve got to get to work early to get stuff done on time and then there are the networking events after work or the late night cram session to get my weekly reports done. On top of that, I work in events, that means many weekends of being onsite at the crack of dawn. Skip work after a long weekend of working an event?? Yeah right! That’s all topped off by the fact that in this lovely age of smart phones, you’re never away from email. I have to resist the urge to email back “11pm is just not a good time for me guys.” Or better yet, “6am is worse. Go away.”
3. Waking up early. I’ve always been a fairly early riser. 7:30am, maybe 8, I’m up and ready to hit the couch with a nice big bowl of cereal and repeats of Will and Grace. Ready to take on the day! Those days are gone. Mostly because I rescued a ridiculously adorable, but tragically hyper dog who thinks 5:30am is the ONLY time to get up. It starts with a little whine. Then the front paws are up on the bed and he’s nudging me with his giant nose. If I’m still not up he runs laps around the house and barks like a maniac. Out of courtesy to my neighbors, I’m usually up well before that. 6am at the latest I’m up and out for a walk then back for breakfast and answering the first round of emails for the morning.
4. I have no life. This is partially because I just moved to Temple, TX, partially because I’m an awkward weirdo and partially because I am so exhausted by the end of the week that Saturday and Sunday become “let’s see how many naps Henry will let me take” days. Seriously, last weekend I took Henry to the dog park twice and bought a pair of shoes online. THAT WAS IT! I couldn’t even muster up the energy to put on real clothes and go to the grocery store. I walked to the dollar general up the street instead and bought a bag of tortilla chips. Thought process: This will tide me over for about a week. I’d also like to say that nothing is worse than people who schedule stuff after work on a week day. Come out for dinner on a Monday night?? Are you kidding? #1 I need to feed my dog and give him some love since I’ve been at work all day. #2 I can’t wear sweat pants to the restaurant, which is what I will be putting on right when I get home. #3 There are excellent TV shows on Monday and my DVR list isn’t going to watch itself. #4 One adult beverage will get me drunk at this point and I can’t afford dinner. #5 I want to go to bed! Seriously people, if you want me there, which I know you allllll do, Saturday is your best bet and even then it’s iffy.
5. Traveling. Traveling for work is really not that cool. Okay, so maybe it is if you have a really amazing job and you get to travel to foreign countries or really fun cities. I travel from Temple, TX to Victoria, TX. Think Temple isn’t a big town? Go to Victoria. I have to wake up early so I can get on the road with enough time to get to the office by 10am. I drive 3.5 hours through the middle of no where Texas. The speed limit goes from 75 down to 35 every couple of miles as you drive through tiny towns. I check into a kind of gross hotel, drop Henry off, and head to the office. I get off work, grab bad food, and eat it in bed in my hotel room. Wake up the next morning to go to work until the afternoon. Come back, grab Henry, check out, and I’m back on the road to be back to Temple around 6 or 7. Not glamorous and not fun. Packing is annoying. Hotels are annoying. Driving is annoying. Answering emails while trying to drive is annoying. I really love it.
6. Making dinner. I live alone. Making dinner is either a big hassle or just depressing. When I was a kid, my mom had a full meal on the table pretty much all the time AND usually something for dessert. I was a picky asshole then. I’m sorry Mom. I’ll eat anything you want to make me now. Even that weird soup with all the beans. ANYTHING! As long as I don’t have to cook it myself, I’m in!
7. Birthday parties. Past 21, birthday parties seem super lame. I want a bounce house. I’d like a giant funfetti cake. Or even a pool party where everyone actually swims and eats ten million handfuls of cheese doodles without worrying about how the impending food baby belly will look while in a bikini. I would love to go to the roller rink and eat bad pizza. Mini golf, bumper boats, sleepovers! I would like to combine all of those things with booze and have a giantly awesome birthday extravaganza.
8. The mall. Remember when going to the mall was really cool? I used to BEG to go. It was a great day if mom took us to the Warwick Mall, but it was even more awesome if we were able to talk her into the Providence Place Mall. Obnoxious parking garage or not, they had way better stores. I could spend and entire day there. It also helped that I wasn’t always spending my own money and when I got old enough to be making my own money, the only things I had to worry about buying were movie tickets, baskets of french fries at Applebee’s, and a littllleee bit later, bottles of $7 Burnett’s Vodka. I can still taste the green apple goodness. Side bar: What a tragedy it was when they were out of green apple and you had to get cherry. Now, I avoid the mall at all costs. I only go if I absolutely have to and even then I hit the one store I need and get out of there as quickly as I can. Staying there for hours. Lugging a million bags around. Eating gross panda express. No longer an ideal day for me. Don’t get me wrong…I still LOVE to shop (wayyyyy to much in fact), but give me one store at a time please. Better yet, give me a great website and free shipping.
So now that I have you all convinced that I am an angry old lady who hates everything, I’d like to say, that I am actually very happy…most days 😉 I do love my job. And I really like having my own apartment (mostly I just like having control over my own TV and DVR box and no one is there to judge me for recording 24 hours of Love It Or List It….seriously my HGTV obsession is out of control). I love having a new car and being able to afford more than $10 of gas at a time. And I LOVE having an adorable, amazing, little nugget of a dog, even if he wakes me up at 5:30am and burps in my face after he’s finished breakfast.