So by now you all should know that I am obsessed with my weird, old, murderin, crazy neighbor. It’s just so interesting to me that he is so freaking weird and crazy.
In my previous report, I had mentioned his trusty binoculars and sling shot, which he uses to murder innocent birds and squirrels. These items are kept out on a little table on his back patio next to his chair (which has a strawberry patterned chair cover on it, by the way). If he’s ever out on the patio in the morning he’ll usually mumble something in a thick, crazy Texas accent. I pretend to understand, smile and laugh a little, and proceed to pull Henry along faster so I don’t become his next sling shot victim.
This morning, he was not out on his patio, but a new addition to the table was! Any guesses?
He had a super old video camera. I’m talking still records to VHS old, I’m surprised this frail little man can lift this thing old, I don’t think this thing films in color old. I didn’t think you could even still buy blank VHS tapes. Are there working VHS players in the world? So many questions, so little time.
More important questions include: what are you filming sir? Do you film your kills? How do you sling shot and film at the same time (I didn’t see any sign of a tripod)? Should I be more worried about this? Is it weird that I want to try and get invited inside his house?
Other thoughts: What is your name? I think you look like an Earl. Earl it is! Did you pick out the strawberry chair cover and fake flowers in that flower pot? Do you have a wife? Did she pick them out? Do you hate her for that? I mean, it’s pretty girly. Does she approve of your sling shot past time? Can I meet your wife too? I’ve never seen a wife or any evidence of a wife so he probably doesn’t have one. Do you keep her locked inside and hit her with the sling shot if she comes out? That would just be mean! You should let her out. I don’t think that’s what you do, so no wife. If you don’t have a wife, do you live alone? You’re so old! Does anyone bring you food? Is that why you sling shot animals? Are you hunting for dinner? That’s a very Texas thing to do and also very sad. Should I bring him dinner? I think I should bring him dinner.
Look out for Crazy Neighbor Update #9,765: The time I brought Earl dinner.
…If I never post again, you should probably assume Earl killed me…with a sling shot.
Wouldn’t a sling shot been a cool Clue weapon…
Mr. Plum, in the library, with the SLING SHOT!